Continued from Sex 306: Losing Face

Some One: Stand and face me.

To my surprise, I can.

The room my consciousness inhabits — Baba Yaga’s yurt — suddenly stands up.
I can feel my Self supported by two seemingly scrawny — yet immensely powerful — chicken legs that had been folded up underneath.
The legs are ugly.
But the feet are beautiful.

I also have a face.
Two large windows in front are my eyes. Between and slightly below is the French door that acts as mouth and nose.
Two smaller windows — open to the air on each side — act as my ears.

Using my ears rather than my eyes, I turn toward the One.
I see nothing — or perhaps everything.
Somehow in that Direction the world — the whole universe — is perfectly rendered yet utterly transparent in a way that makes normal reality feel like a 2-D cartoon.

I gaze into the abyss.
It gazes back at me.
I am perfectly content.
It’s beauty becomes my own.

I could stay like this forever.
But the One speaks again:

“You have learned to Beget.
You are learning to Behold.
You must learn to Become.”

His words ring true
Though I don’t understand
I find myself kneeling

A voice
Which I have never heard before
Yet recognize as my own
Speaks

“Here, I AM.
Send me.”

I did not think the One
Would take me literally
But I hear a giant rushing sound
All around me
Though it feels as if
I am perfectly still
And the universe itself is shifting
To set me in my proper place

I close the windows of my eyes
When I open them
I see I am on a rooftop
A tall building
In the midst of a bustling city
Just beginning to awake

I am not alone
One like a son of man
Is with me

His eyes are like blazing fire
His feet like burnished bronze
His robe shines like a thousand suns

I am still kneeling
I wonder if I should prostrate myself
But I have no arms
So getting up could be difficult

He smiles at my consternation.
“Rise up!
The time for worship is over.
The time for service has begun.”

I stand and follow Him
As He walks to the edge
His eyes twinkling

He points
With the same clarity I saw the abyss
I now see all the kingdoms of this world
And their splendor

My mouth becomes dry
My heart sinks within me
He speaks

“All this I will give you,”
He says
“If you bow down and worship me.”

Is this a test?
Is he the devil?
How can I know
If he is truly the One?

I must have spoken aloud
He grins
He spreads out his arms
Looks deeply into my soul
And says

“Put your finger here; see my hands.
Reach out your hand and put it into my side.
Stop doubting and believe.”

I open my mouth to speak
To complain I have no fingers
No hands or arms
With which to touch him

But as I open the doors of my face
A small child steps out
Carrying a lamp from my mouth

Jesus beckons him to come
The child runs to Him
Wonderingly puts his fingers
Into His hands
Gazes with sorrow
At the hole in His side
Then gives Him a huge hug

My mouth hangs open
The child dashes back inside
The door slams shut

I look at Jesus
He looks at me
I could stare into the abyss forever
Without flinching
But this gaze I cannot bear

“ What do you want me to do?”
Says the voice I now know my own

His smile does not disappear
Exactly
But it compresses
Either out of deadly seriousness
Or the effort of containing
Laughter that could unmake the world

He points again
“If you are truly a son of God
Throw your Self down.”

Finit

Epilogue

I stand alone on the brink
Wondering what folks will think
Was it all just a mad dream?
Is He as real as He seemed?

Is my mouth really a door
To share the treasure I store?
Can my inner child be a light
To save those now lost in the night?

If I intend to win them all
Then clearly I must take the fall
For only those willing to die
Discover they know how to fly