Radically Happy

“Did he really think / 
Jesus would just sneak past / 
And leave me unchanged?”

In the desert / God was far / I had to travel / Long enough / To see Him // In the jungle / God is everywhere / I have be still / Long enough / To feel Him…

To gain her / I must lose my whole world // I want her / I think I love her / But is it enough?

I bow to Jesus. // One at a time / He removes burdens / I hadn’t realized / I was carrying…

He says / “Rest here / Awhile / I have to prepare / A surprise for you” // I cry out / “Don’t leave me! / I hate / To be alone…”

For a moment I panic / Waterboarded / Triggered / By the depth / Of His emotion / For me…

He is weeping over me / His tears fall like rain / Filling the holes in my heart / Like a well of living water…

I look to My Father. / He smiles / And holds out a cup / To collect my blood // Then pours it / Over the side / Of the mountain…

I am alone / Again / Still // I have regained my sword / But no armor / And only a single jewel / But no gold // How / Can I save a world / That seems determined / To destroy itself…

I thought / I was doing / What would secure my happiness / Bring me love / Expand His Kingdom // But now / It all seems in vain…

Their brides appear / The animals dance / Or sing / Or strut / According to its kind / // They go off / To fulfill their purpose / But not me…

I look to His body / From my fallen position / Which has become a front row seat / For the miracle // The headless Body / Gropes toward Our Father / By pursuing the path / Of greatest pain…

I have become a scavenger / Feeding on the dead body / Of Jesus // I slink away / As the hyenas who killed Him / Creep forward / And follow my example…

I look at my heart./ And realize / It doesn’t matter what I should feel / But what I do feel / Grief…

My Father came / When I cried out / But not / As I thought / To attack them / // Instead / He sings…

He comes like Rafiki the monkey / 
But not to berate me / 
Or make me look to myself / 
Or my ancestors…