Vulnerability and Love by Julie Leung

One of the most moving blogs I’ve been privileged to read is “Seedlings & Sprouts” by Julie Leung, wife of my MIT classmate Ted. I was particularly moved by her recent post “When love and sex divorced.” [Read More] for some excerpts.

Jay McCarthy’s link (no relation to Kathie, I’m assuming) to Dave Gordon’s interview with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: “Something changed. It’s the inability to be vulnerable… We have this great fear of being dependent… The inability to be vulnerable is the problem: it’s the depth personality not the surface personality that has to fall in love.”

Love requires vulnerability. Love is not a luxury. Love is a need. Love leads you to becoming dependent, not co-dependent, but needing someone in a way that feels uncomfortable according to our cultural standards. [note: even using the word dependent here seems strange – it’s a word that seems more appropriate for tax returns than marriage, but perhaps that is my own bias. What word best expresses that deep bond?]

When we give of ourselves in an intimate way with another person, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, a bond is formed. I believe we can separate the physical from the other aspects of ourselves. Or at least we think we can. Love and sex divorce. We can seem to separate our bodies from our souls. Yet no matter what we do with our outsides, invisible imprints are left inside us.