Un-Stoned, Part II (John 11:35)

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Continued from Part I

Jesus… wept.

I… am confused.

Why is he weeping?

Is he angry or frustrated? With me or with them?

How is he weeping?

I mean, he’s God, right? He planned all this out. He knew what He signed up for.

What He signed us up for.

Is that why He weeps?

Because even though He knows — knew — the joy set before Him — and us…

He also knew — knows — our every sorrow.

Because even though
He is big enough
To contain all our sorrow
He is close enough
To feel it
To the depths of His Being
And even overflowing.

That is why He weeps
Because He feels all my pain

Even that pain
I don’t allow myself to feel

Even that pain
I keep locked away
Behind the Stone

The hypocrisy
I despise in others
Yet secretly guard within myself

My envy of those
Who seem to get away with sin
While I chafe
Under my own self-righteousness

The forbidden delight
In the embarrassment
And humiliation
Of those who oppose me

The wounded innocence
And betrayed trusts
That shattered my childlike heart
That I carefully gathered up
And wrapped up
And walled up
Behind the Stone

Maybe
That is why He weeps

Because He knows
That the very thing
I most long for
Have desperately begged Him for
Want so much
That I dare not admit
Even to myself
For fear that not getting it
Would utterly destroy me

That is what waits for me
Behind the Stone

It is not the Them
Or even my Sin
That scares me

It is my own naked need
The unborn vulnerability
My secret self
That I would rather disown than lose

THAT is what He wants
And only I can roll away the Stone
Only I can open the door to His knock

Only I can show Him
How much I trust Him
How much I need Him
How much I love Him

How much
I am willing to risk
For Him

When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

John 11:43-44

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