Until my twenties, I was almost never consciously aware of my anger. Over the last few decades, learning to identify and process my anger — especially towards God and people I love — has been a critical skill in enabling to break through spiritual strongholds and grow in maturity.
I still (and always will) have further to go, but at least I’ve started developing healthier habits for dealing with my anger. I am writing this down to remind myself, and hopefully help others who may have similar struggles.
The Anger Checklist
- Recognize being angry
- For me, the tip-off is that I am obsessing over something another person did.
- I may not even realize I am upset, but I am learning to notice when I am focusing on the negatives, rather than what is “pure, lovely, and admirable.”
- Thank God for the gift of that anger
- Anger helps me recognize unhealthy behavior in others
- Anger reminds me of the virtues and principles I highly value
- Strong anger is a sign where I myself lack grace and security in Christ
- Anger provides energy I can turn into constructive action
- Confess my unforgiveness
- Getting angry is not a sin; we have a right to be angry at perceived injustice
- Staying angry is a sin; we have a responsibility to forgive as God forgives us
- Receive God’s grace
- In Christ, I no longer have the right to self-righteously judge the sins of others
- I am most angry at others where I am least secure in God’s love and protection
- In order to give them grace to change, I first need God to change me
- Speak God’s grace
- Find the place where they need the same grace you need
- See them as God sees you, as a wounded person in need of comfort
- Take spiritual authority to free them from negative patterns
- Pray for an opportunity to reconcile within 24 hours
- Confess my anger and struggle to forgive
- Ask forgiveness for any ways I withdrew or acted out
- Share the grace I received from God
- Explain my perception of what happened
- Listen
- Forgive
- Pray for us both to grow in God’s grace