Forgiveness is a topic I’ve been exploring a great deal lately — both individually and as part of various communities — as I believe it is an essential precondition for transformation. Here’s a talk I gave way back during my graduate years at Caltech; the key insight (which I’ve since learned is fairly common, though widely misunderstood) is the distinction between Apologies, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation.

A. Introduction

B. Principles of Reconciliation

1. Reconciliation is a Priority
2. Reconciliation has a Price
   • Humility (Matthew 7:1-5)
   • Love (Matthew 5:43-48)
   • Blood (Hebrews 9:19-22)
3. Reconcilation is Possible
4. Reconciliation requires Participation

C. Path of Reconciliation (Matthew 18:15-35)

1. Raising Awareness
   • Committing the Act (Romans 3:21-24)
   • Confronting the Person (Galatians 6:1-5)
2. Releasing Pain (Luke 15:18-24)
   • Apologize (Psalm 32:1-5)
   • Affirm the person and the relationship
   • Be open to change
   • Commit to working things out
   • Acceptance
3. Removing Damage
   • (Con)’Fessing Up
     1. “to speak together” (Isaiah 1:18-20)
     2. Confess Truth (Romans 10:8-13)
   • Forgiveness
     1. Cancel the Debt (Matthew 6:12-15)
     2. Clean the Slate (Psalm 103:10-14)
     3. Continue the Relationship (Ephesians 2:1-10)
4. Restoring Trust
   • Repentance (II Chronicles 7:13-15)
   • Restitution (Luke 19:8)
   • Reconciliation (Romans 5:9-11)

D. Partial Reconciliation

1. Stopping Early
2. Skipping Steps
3. Spacing Out
4. Solo Flying
5. Submitting (Luke 6:27-29)