Radically Happy

Why did it have to be there? / Who put it there? / Is someone deliberately being difficult? // Belatedly / I look for Jesus…

But I am torn between the tension / Of wanting to give people what I have/ And knowing I often give them myself / Rather than Jesus / Just to ease my own pain…

I realize the man / Is supposed to be a doctor / But isn’t as ready / As he thought he was…

I look for Jesus. / He is on fire with me / His pain is even greater than mine / But He is grinning // He must know something I don’t…

I am dressed as a gambler / Slick / Confident / Appearing rich / Though I’m actually poor…

I look for Jesus / He is climbing a tree / I whistle in amazement // How does he do that / When there are no branches / And even the bark is smooth?

Which is when I realize / The only way to see Jesus / Is to be consciously looking for Him / At our point of maximum pain…

I see no light / 
But He does / 
And by that / 
I can see Him

I can barely see them / But I can hear their footsteps / Coming towards me / Towards the light / The light of Jesus / Though they can’t yet see Him / Only me…

Part of me is hoping He will show up in an ocean liner / To take me away / Because this situation is insane

I know opening the door / Could unleash what’s on the other side / And destroy me / And everything I love…

Usually Billy hears and obeys him / Sometimes he does not // Jesus looks up at me / Makes eye contact / And winks…

I am floating. / Perhaps in water or air so thick and cloudy everything seems blurry. / Or maybe it’s just my eyesight. / Or my “I” sight.

It is my evil twin. / My negative. / A twisted, perverse condemning version of myself. / That is not how God sees me. / I am in Christ. / Right? / Right? / Right?!?!

I look for Jesus / 
And see Him in my heart / 
Riding a stationary bicycle / 
Laughing hilariously

Jesus is waking bedside me. / I am not exactly afraid. / But I glance down only rarely.