SixSeconds EQ is named for the fact that the initial emotional response to an external trigger only lasts about six seconds.
I have noticed that certain triggers activate a self-perpetuating “grievance circuit” in my mind. This keeps a narrative justifying my resentment circulating in my mind; because I don’t know the appropriate action needed to resolve that trigger — and my psyche considers it too important to ignore!
This is vital information; but also a huge waste of resources. I must confess I don’t yet have a practice for reliably addressing this kind of problem, but here are some questions that might help:
- What counter-narrative might the offender construct where I am the one at fault?
- What circumstances could tempt me to feel and react the same way the offender did?
- What is the earliest wounding I remember that spawned this (version of) the narrative?
- What is the “Good Thing” this narrative is trying to protect?
- What is the “Bad Thing” this narrative seeks to avoid?
- What competency must I gain to feel secure enough to handle that Bad Thing?
- Why do I not have the grace to “simply” forgive them and trust God to address the underlying issues in His own time?
- What miracle would it take to resolve the root issue once and for all?
- What authority would I need to invoke that miracle?
- Which sacrifice must I make to obtain that authority?
- How would I confront the offender if I was totally secure and peaceful in myself, and only concerned about their well-being and growth?
- Why do I lack the grace to respond with peace and joy when faced with this offense?
- Which previous offenses have I overcome, that could provide clues for resolving this situation?
- What lies am I tempted to believe?
- Which part of myself am I protecting?
- What would it look like to allow Christ to crucify that part of me — and raise it as something else!
- What past sin or wounding do I feel is impossible for Christ to redeem?
- How would my narrative change if that hurt was redeemed?