Me Encountering Jesus 2023-03-18

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I had two contradictory encounters at yesterday’s PAWS for Men Encountering Jesus.

Painfully Happy

During Immanuel Encounter,
I saw Jesus on a cliff overlooking the sea.

His arms were outstretched.
He had a huge grin.
He said, “Come fly with me!”

He had a huge grin on His face.
I heard the words “So Happy” over and over.

And I started sobbing great gut-wrenching sobs.

[on reflection: perhaps “un-wrenching”, like resetting a dislocated shoulder]

Joyfully Broken

The second was when Paul M. prayed for me.

I was describing unforgiveness as a barrier.
When you sin against me, you reveal that you and the world are broken.

Unforgiveness is my refusal to internalize that brokenness.

I saw Jesus sucking out my brokenness.
Leaving wholeness in its place.
Except where my brokenness was holding to that barrier.

Forgiveness is realizing I need to release that barrier.
So Jesus can suck out all my brokenness.
And yours through me.

#EmbraceTheSuck

I saw Him absorbing all that sin and shame on the cross.
And I just started laughing and laughing…

Mrs. Jesus #5/7: Wood Friday

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Continued from Mrs. Jesus #4/7: Thor’s Hammer Day

Prologue

Jesus wraps his arms around me and lowers me to the mattress
“I’m scared,” I whisper
“I know,” he murmurs, kissing my brow
“Don’t worry. I will always be with you, even if you can’t see me.”

For the comfort of my body
Jesus placed a small cot by the Tree of Life
I gaze up at it as he fastens two roots to the holes in my wrists
My body is not what I’m worried about

The sensation is what I imagine dialysis fees like
Or a blood transfusion
The lifeblood of the tree fills me
As mine pours into it
As my consciously slowly wanders off

To sleep, perchance to dream

The Ex-Wife

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Mrs. Jesus #1/7: Blew Monday

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1 Corinthians 7:34 and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the work of the Lord, how she can be holy in both body and spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband.

The scene is a cozy suburban house from the 1950s. Black and white, like in The Dick van Dyke Show or WandaVision. The door opens.

Jesus: Hi honey, I’m home!

I run into his arms and cling tightly to him.

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Poem: Fishy Calling

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Tis a dangerous thing
When our praises we sing
For the role that we play
When we stand up to pray

Tis a good thing to preach
And on Sundays we teach
Don’t you muzzle that ox
He’s worth gold from Fort Knox!

Yet we still must beware
Of putting on airs
When our jobs on the line
Representing divine

Jesus said to not bother
Calling anyone father
Have we screwed up our soul
By playing that role?

Or maybe the curse
Took a turn for the worse
When I paid one to be
The job He gave me

I must be the priest
To reach for the least
I must be the saint
Who goes where God ain’t

The jobs in the church
Are just so much merch
The real game is played
Where souls need be saved

The calling is real
He calls me to heel
And fish where He goes
In a world full of woes

So let’s pay the cost
To be one with the lost
Is it not worth the price
To share footsteps with Christ?