An open door’s like a blank page
That can feel like walking onstage
The fear of unknown
Or worse, being shown
I’m better off locked in a cage
Tag Archives: fear
1/14 Poem: Pure Mercy
StandardSometime we show Mercy from Fear
Because our own judgement is near
Sometimes we show Mercy from Pride
To boast we have nothing to hide
To those who receive it’s the same
As long as they stay in the game
1/6 Poem: Sans Ballast
Standard“When Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite official heard about this, they were very much disturbed that someone had come to promote the welfare of the Israelites.”
Nehemiah 2:10
When we live our life without ballast
Our hearts feel that they must be calloused
1/2 Poem: For Fit, My Soul
Standard“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?”
Luke 9:25
It may seem to you
That I pick a nit
Yet still I must ask
What my soul’s for-fit?
12/30 Poem: Nearly New
StandardWhen worldly woes make us feel blue
We must recall we’re “nearly new”
Limerick: Buke the Storm
StandardWhen our faith causes others to fear
For they know not salvation is near
It’s easy to blame
Or give in to shame
And tear down the ones we hold dear
Divine Dial Tone: Continuity vs Quality
StandardUn-Stoned, Part I (John 11:39)
StandardErnie, roll away the stone!
Um, what? Jesus, surely you didn’t mean what I thought you said.
Yes, I did. Roll away the stone!
Continue readingCitizens of Better
StandardWe need better narratives
Starting with our citizenship
Socrates Repents (An Alternative “Apology”)
Standard[I realize this looks like (and probably is) a harsh critique of the most revered figure in philosophy (Hat Tip to Taleb for stating it first). But I didn’t write it about him. I wrote it about me.]
Friends, Athenians, countrymen
Lend me your ears!
For I fear mine have not been working.
While awaiting my trial
And preparing my Apology
I was granted a vision of Apollo
He reminded me that his Oracle
Had already said
That none was wiser than Socrates
Why then, he asked me
Did I still torment the citizens of Athens
Hoping to find answers to my questions?
His words troubled my heart
It made me question my deepest beliefs
I felt my soul shriveling within me
For the God spoke truth
I had ignored his words
Or rather, sought to refute them
Worse, why did my daimonion not stop me?
This inner voice that long warded me
Always kept me from acts of evil
It forced me to ask the hard question
I had never asked myself
Or enabled others to ask of me
Why did I trust the daimonion
And not the deity?
Pride
The easy answer is pride
Certainly my enemies see it so
And I must acknowledge their bitter truth
Yet strangely it was an excess of humility
That drove me to challenge the God’s claim
That none were wiser than I
So why did I see humility
In the very same thing
That others recognized as pride?
Because I saw myself
As submitting to my daimonion
As a thing other than myself
The thing I took pride in
Was my self-awareness
Of how little I knew
You Athenians only saw
Me worshipping what was inside me
At the expense of what you worship
It is right and just
For you to accuse me
Of pride and impiety
It is just and right
For me to die
For I have set myself above all of you
Yet while that is all true
And death would be fair and merciful
It is still too easy of an answer
For if I confess my sin as mere pride
Then I am the most foolish of men
Which once again, makes the God a liar
My true sin is far, far worse
Yet it is one my worst enemy
Would be loath to speak against me
Cowardice
For as I stared into the depths of my soul
And confronted with horror
My willful defiance of the God’s own truth
I had to ask myself: why?
Why could I not simply agree?
Why not simply accept I was the wisest man alive?
Why not revel in my high position?
Why not accept riches and status
For selling wisdom to eager buyers?
If I had, I would not be here today
Shackled and condemned
Making a widow and orphans of my family
You may have envied me
But you would never have condemned me
Because I would have been no threat
But I was cursed with a deep truth
That I truly had no wisdom to give
And to claim otherwise would unman me
But I can claim no credit
For my embrace of that truth
Since it led me to deny a deeper one
The word of the Oracle to me
That many would sing as praise
Was to me the knell of death
For I knew I had no goodness in me
And if none were wiser than I
Then surely we all were doomed
It is only to be expected
That a mortal such as I
Would flee that terrible abyss
Indeed, that is why
None of my accusers
Leap to condemn my cowardice
For they too share that same fear
Which is why they must silence
My questions that reveal their shame
In truth, I cannot blame them or myself
For refusing to face the emptiness
That ritual and tradition help us avoid
Yet I cannot help but wonder
Why my daimonion dared not speak
And challenge my craven fear?
I trusted that voice with all my heart
I would gladly have gone to my death
In order to honor its commands
I had always assumed
That this inner voice
Spoke only the truth
And perhaps it is still fair
To say it never lied
Except by omission
What if
That voice
Was also scared?
Trust
I still believe that voice
Cared for my soul
Even to the death of my body
But now it seems
That even spirits
Have their limits
There is a place
That man must go
Where spirits dare not tread
Perhaps my daimonion thought it kinder
For me to wander in darkness
Rather than be burnt by light
But it seems more likely
That my voice was bound
With an oath too terrible to contemplate
It would help me if it could
But is itself in need of rescuing
Which is why it could not save me
I can no longer trust this inner voice
Yet neither can I deny it
Commission
Citizens of Athens
Lend me your ears
And I will lend you mine
I owe you my life
It is yours to take
And mostly gladly would I surrender it
But I ask you instead
To lay a greater burden on me
And perhaps on yourselves
Send me to ask the God
The question I should have asked
Instead of trying to prove Him false
Perhaps only a God
Can speak the awful Word
Than binds the lips of spirits
Grant me the exile I once spurned
But with the added scourge of hope
That I may return if my quest succeeds
If you grant me this indulgence
I will seek the Oracle at Delphi
And lay this Question before her
I know not even now
What is the right Question
That I need to ask
Perhaps my daimonion
May contrive a way
To evade the curse that blocks its aid
Or perhaps I will waste away at Delphi
Longing for a Truth I know not to ask
Of which I and the world are not worthy
Either way, fair citizens
I will trouble you no longer
And you need not have my blood on your hands
Conclusion
My heart rends within me
At how my deeds
Have sundered me from those I love
I know not how to ask forgiveness
When even my penance
Adds to the pain of those who love me
All I can do is lay down my life
In faith to the God
And submission to my community
Thank you.
The End
(Or possibly, The Beginning ?)
Dream: Wild Thing
StandardI am holding a monster in my hands
Round and furry, mostly head
Like a Furby
But evil, like a gremlin
Yellow eyes, snarling teeth
Rabid Continue reading
Dream: Checking-Out
StandardThe Takeaway
The fear of God should “pressure” me
To prioritize treating my family
With the fruits of the spirit
Even over accomplishing
What I thought He told me to do.
The Dear Peter Blues
StandardInspired by Correcting Jesus
Dear Peter, Its okay.
I know you’re scared that
I’m going away.
RohAnjali 2018 New Year’s Prayer
StandardDear God,
Thank you that our family belongs to you.
We confess we need you to free us from our sin and shame so we can love like Jesus.
Give us the grace to:
- Trust you with our desires
- Face our fears
- Reflect on our anger
- Speak the truth in love, and
- Ask for help along the way
We ask this by the blood of Jesus, Amen.
Joshua 2: The Whore of Jericho
StandardQuestions:
- Who is Rahab? Why is she a harlot? How come she was so ready to help the spies?
- What is God trying to teach Joshua?
- Where should I be looking for those God has placed to help me fulfill my purpose?
Read more to pursue answers in Joshua 2 Continue reading
Joshua 1: Dying to Lead
StandardQuestions: What must it have felt like to be Joshua? How can we lead men to fight the very shame that destroyed their fathers? Is having God with you the secret to being strong and courageous?
Read more to pursue answers in Joshua 1
Meet the Dragons of Knight Club
StandardThe great challenge of manhood is learning to harness our emotions to serve a good purpose. As I mentioned earlier, I believe we need to harness (not slay) these Four Dragons of Manhood: Desire, Fear, Anger & Pride. Here’s a more comprehensive summary of my current understanding:
Dragons | ![]() |
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---|---|---|---|---|
Color | Green | Yellow | Red | Blue |
Emotion | Desire | Fear | Anger | Pride/Glory |
Breathes | Vines | Light | Fire | Water |
Says | “Mine!” | “I’m Scared” | “Not Fair!” | “By Myself!” |
Verse: | Psalm 37:4 | 1 Peter 1:17 | Ephesians 4:26 | Galatians 6:4 |
Nurtured By: | Hope | Wisdom | Love | Faith |
Reined In By: | Patience | Responsibility | Gentleness | Obedience |
Experience God’s: | Generosity | Justice | Mercy | Predictability |
Therefore I urge you who have been chosen by God to live up to the life to which God called you. Always be humble, gentle, and patient, accepting each other in love. — Ephesians 4:1a-2
Knight Club: Moral Authority and the Fourth Dragon
StandardOne of the ways I tackle “wicked problems” is by exploring different possible answers in order to help clarify the essential question. My posts on flying and mastering the dragons of manhood have been useful in helping me recognize that the two main questions Knight Club is trying to answer are:
- What does it mean to be a man?
- What can we do to help our sons become those kind of men?
I believe the most critical aspect of authentic manhood is “moral authority,” where people trust you will do the right thing.
Knight Club: Mastering the Three Dragons of Manhood
StandardIn Sheila Walsh’s Will, God’s Mighty Warrior, there’s a scene where Will and his buddy Josh are pretending to be on a quest against monstrous beasts. They run into Will’s large English sheepdog. Josh is starting to defend himself, but Will assures his friend that “I have tamed this wild creature, and now use it to serve me.”
One of the hot trends in education these days is Mastery Learning: students are expected to master a concept before they move on, not just fill their seats until the class moves on. It is similar to Ranks in the Boy Scouts of America, where you need a certain number and type of accomplishments to move from Tenderfoot up through Eagle.
So what is the analogue in Knight Club? What are we mastering?
Song: No Longer Alone
StandardThis is a song I wrote back in 1996 in my post-college, pre-Apple days in Pasadena, California. It was for a girl I knew — heck, it fit pretty much all the girls I hung out with and/or was interested in during that decade.
I also sang it during a “Christian Connection” (online dating site) cruise back in 1999, just before I met Sandhya. By God’s grace I got to perform for the ship talent show. I said I was part of a Christian singles group with 80 women and 15 men — and I was having a *great* time! (as was reported almost daily on the ship’s TV :-).
“But being single wasn’t always fun and games — and that’s why I wrote this song.”
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