Radically Happy

His dolphin-form / 
That I slew / 
Has been raised / 
As a Right Whale…

No longer a hunter / But a sacrifice…

It feels / 
As if heaven itself / 
Is crying the tears / 
I am too weak to shed…

I loath what I must do / 
But am running out of / 
Time / 
Energy / 
Self…

A wound / Matching my own / Which slowly drains / My strength / My life / My will / My ego…

His eyes show they know my pain / 
But that cannot override the joy in His heart

Better to lose my life / 
Clinging to Jesus / 
Than lose Jesus / 
Clinging to a life / 
I will lose anyway…

“I called you out / 
Into deep waters / 
So you had no choice / 
But to trust me”

I again see the scarecrow // He is waiting to receive me / Catch me / Comfort me / Save me…

All I know / 
Is there is a pattern in my brain / 
That is restlessly searching / 
For a match…

I cannot bear it / 
My human eyes / 
Were not meant for such glory…

The black bile / 
Poisoning my brain / 
Is the dark thoughts / 
I thought were my own…

I can’t find my place / 
I am still too human / 
My body too awkward / 
My brain too untrustworthy / 
To join the avian choir…

Slowly / Painfully / Embarrassingly // I begin to waltz / In a pale imitation / Of the dancing hawks…

My hunger / Is what undid me… // My hunger / Is what saves me…

He is no longer in hawk form / He stretches out / His human arms / Towards my canine nose // I snarl…

In that glance / I can see all the pain / Failure / Frustration / Betrayal / Denial / Trauma // That was washed away / By the blood of Jesus…

He is holding court / 
Over smaller hawks / 
Wearing orange safety vests / 
Teaching them profound truths / 
That my human mind / 
Cannot grasp…

I had no choice but to follow my heart / 
Because my eyes could not see Him