Radically Happy

Sequel to hel.lo.a.thing
Completing Hello, Death

Crucified, laid behind a stone
You lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose, trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

Prologue: The Scene

The fire fades
The veil has burned away

The fetid swamp
Has become a lush garden
Surrounded by a clear pool

The cubical house
Is now a spherical hill
Containing a cave
Blocked by a stone

The self-hating thing
Now appears
As a self-emptying man

Standing
Beside the stone

Waiting for us
Waiting for me

Scene 1: Growth

I too
Have been transformed

No longer a Youth
Much less a Kid
I am Man

No longer a crowd
I have become myself
Embracing the contradictions

Judgement and Grace
Punishment and Godliness
Shame and Glory

That once divided
And defined me

Those parts
Do not fear me
Or fight me

Because now
They are me

Scene 2: Opening

I walk up to the cave.
I speak to the man
Who was once a thing.

Self: Who are you now?

Opener: I am what I always was. Except now I have been emptied of all conflict, and embrace my true calling. You may call me Opener, for I now open the way for others to see their hidden truth.

Self: Do you know who I am?

Opener: [smiling] Yes… and no. To me, you are the Man with Many Names. Among them are Ernest, Navaroop, and the others who were here. But even I do not know the Name that waits inside.

Self: So is it time to open the door?

Opener: [shrugging] That question has no meaning to me. My Name, my purpose, is to open the door to any who draw nigh. Whether that be good or ill is not a thing I concern myself with.

Self: Will you… come with me? There may be other doors that need opening.

Opener: I make no promises, for I have no will of my own. I go only and always where I am sent, because the One who sends me knows better than I where I am needed.

Self: So then… I guess it is all on me.

I step forward. The man rolls away the stone. There is nothing inside… but darkness.

I step into the Void.

Scene 3: EggBoy

I entermy earliest memory.

Where I learned Judgement.

I was only a few years old.
My immigrant mother was overwhelmed, so she put me in a high chair to watch TV.
And fed me with an egg, because she didn’t have space for my emotions.

So I judged:

• Her for not accepting me
• My emotions for being troublesome
• Myself for abandoning my emotions

And I still do the same.

Father, what do you want me to know?
Jesus, where were you?
Spirit, show me a different way forward!

I feel Jesus.

He is standing behind me
Covering my eyes

When He releases them
I am looking with the eyes
Of my younger self
And Him

I see my mother
Her spirit and back bent
With selfless love

That had no time
To care for her own emotions
Much less mine

I see my heart
Courageously volunteering
To sacrifice itself
For our survival
As my mother did

I see myself
Weeping

Because
Of how deeply I was loved
At such horrific cost

And as I do
The scene transforms

The egg
Becomes a cave
With a stone
For a door

It grows
Or I shrink

Until Opener
Appears
And again
Rolls away the stone

I step through
And back
Further in time…

Scene 4: Mage

I am in a hospital room

Alone
With my two-year-old self

Who had meningitis
And was strapped into a bed

They feared
I received brain damage
Because I did not speak
For days
When I came home

But
It turned out
I was just angry
At being left here

Punishing them
Because I felt punished

By them
By my body
By my powerlessness

That is why
I retreated to my mind

A castle
Where I could be safe
Isolated
Independent
Indestructible

I look for Jesus.

To my surprise
He was in the castle
The whole time

Beaming with pride
Over my accomplishments

Weeping softly
At the pangs of loneliness
I barely felt myself

Noticing
The hidden stirrings
Of my heart
He planted
To lure me out

I chose this castle
To punish myself
And those who loved me

But He used it
As a shelter
To train
And shape me
For battles
Of the mind

And as I realize that
I see Opener
Lower the drawbridge
And I walk out
Into brightness…

Scene 5: Womb

I expected it
To be dark

Hidden
In my mother’s body
With my eyes closed

But instead
I am
I feel
Light

Though my eyes
And my brain
Barely function

My spirit
Perceives the energy
Of life itself
Glowing through me

Even
When my mother
Lies to her father
About being pregnant
So she can accompany
My father to America

And a shadow
Passes over my soul
From being denied
Disowned
Disidentified

From the fear
Manipulation
Deception
That drove her
And her well-earned mistrust
Of my grandfather

It does not matter.

Because the light of creation
Burns within me
So powerfully
Filling me with a glory

Of which
Any earthly shame
Is no more than a cobweb

To be brushed away
By a loving Hand
Or burned off
By the light of the Son

And also
It was done
Not just
So she could be with her husband
But so that I
Would know my father

And with that
It is easy
To forgive her

As I do
I feel Opener
At my head
Tugging me
Away from the light
Up
Up
Up

Into the darkness
Until
I am….

Reborn!

Epilogue

I am pulled out
And toweled off

I let out a cry
From the shock

My family
Gathers around
To greet me

As I am raised
To life

Baptized
Revived
Resurrected
Renewed

As I am greeted
By my new name…

“Beloved!”

Finit