As Neil Simon, write a darkly comic but redemptive take on Barnabas splitting from Paul. In Act II, have Paul face his own shame after Peter remembers being rebuked by him.
ChatGPT Prompt (condensed)
ACT I: The Unholy Split
Setting:
Antioch, First Century. A dusty back room of a synagogue-turned-coffeehouse. Scrolls are scattered like unpaid bills. The aroma is a cocktail of myrrh, sweat, and roasted goat.
Cast:
- Paul (formerly Saul): Intense, neurotic, likes things in triplicate. Thinks “grace” is a performance metric.
- Barnabas: Warm, big-hearted, with the emotional availability of a golden retriever. Wishes Paul would just hug someone.
- John Mark: Young, idealistic, and so flaky he makes matzah look like sourdough.
Scene I: The Great Recommissioning
Barnabas: Paul, I’ve been thinking—we give John Mark another shot. The boy has potential.
Paul: Potential? Barnabas, the last time we gave him “potential,” he ghosted us halfway to Pamphylia. I’ve seen more commitment from a fig tree.
Barnabas: He was overwhelmed! It was his first mission trip. You try explaining the gospel to a bunch of drunk Cypriots while Paul is arguing soteriology with a camel.
Paul: I wasn’t arguing with the camel. I was using it as a metaphor for entering the kingdom of God. It got the point.
Scene II: The Passive-Aggressive Apocalypse
Barnabas: You’re being rigid again, Paul. Remember when you were new?
Paul: I was new. And then I spent three years in Arabia eating locusts and arguing with sand. Did I abandon you? No. I wrote letters. Good ones.
Barnabas: Here we go. “Dear Galatians, I’m disappointed in you.” “Dear Corinthians, get your act together.” Honestly, if you wrote me a letter, I’d need therapy.
Paul: I am therapy.
Scene III: The Final Straw (and the Tent Peg)
Barnabas (packing scrolls): Fine. I’ll take John Mark. You go… I don’t know, convert some Gentiles and alienate every synagogue within walking distance.
Paul (stuffing parchments): Wonderful. You two can form the Ministry of Second Chances. I’ll form the Department of Sanctified Competence.
Barnabas: Good luck not scaring off your next disciple with your “gentle encouragement.”
Paul: Good luck getting John Mark to finish anything before the Second Coming.
(Both storm off in opposite directions. A sheep bleats judgmentally.)
ACT II: The Rock and the Mirror
Setting:
A quiet olive grove outside Antioch. Dusk. Paul sits alone on a stone bench, scrolls beside him—neatly stacked, but untouched. He stares into the distance, tense. Enter Peter, limping slightly, holding a wineskin.
Scene I: The Visit
Peter:
Thought I’d find you here. You always retreat to the wilderness after burning something down.
Paul (without turning):
This isn’t a retreat. It’s a recalibration.
Peter (sits with a sigh):
Call it what you want. The scrolls are unopened. That’s how I know you’re spiraling.
Paul:
I’m fine.
Peter:
You’re not. You’ve gone quiet, which, coming from you, is basically an existential crisis.
(A beat. The silence stretches.)
Peter (gently):
You know, I still remember when you rebuked me in Antioch.
Paul (eyes narrow):
I was right.
Peter:
You were. And I was grateful. Eventually. You told the truth even when it hurt—especially when it hurt.
But Paul… when was the last time you gave yourself that same truth?
Scene II: The Real Fear
Paul (suddenly):
Barnabas doesn’t get it. This isn’t about John Mark—it’s about the mission.
If he deserts again… if we fumble the message…
People won’t hear the gospel. That’s what I care about.
Peter (gently):
Is it?
(Paul flinches slightly, caught off guard.)
Peter:
You’ve crossed seas, faced mobs, survived stonings. You don’t scare easy.
So I have to wonder… is it really the gospel you’re afraid of losing?
(Paul doesn’t answer. Peter leans in, voice low but tender.)
Peter:
Or are you afraid… of disappointing the One who gave it to you?
(Paul’s jaw tightens. He looks away, eyes flickering.)
Paul (quietly):
He trusted me. After everything I did.
He chose me—after I tore families apart.
If I fail Him now… if I let the wrong person carry this message…
What if I prove everyone right? That I never should’ve been chosen in the first place?
(Silence. The air thick with memory and mercy.)
Peter:
Paul, if grace has conditions, it isn’t grace.
You can’t outrun the mercy that knocked you off your horse.
Scene III: Turning Toward Redemption
Paul:
Then maybe… maybe I was afraid of the wrong thing.
Not that God would stop loving me…
But that if I loved someone who failed, I’d have to trust that God still loved them too.
Peter (smiling):
Ah. There it is. You feared being gracious because it meant letting go of control.
(Paul lets out a quiet, tired laugh.)
Paul:
He’s useful to me in ministry. John Mark. I see it now.
Peter:
Then tell him. Tell Barnabas. Go be the man you wrote about to the Galatians—who walks by the Spirit, not by the scoreboard.
(Peter gets up and walks off, leaving Paul alone with the stars beginning to emerge above.)
ACT III: The Ministry of Second Chances
Setting: A small home gathering in Cyprus. Candles flicker. Barnabas teaches gently while John Mark passes out bread. In the doorway, a cloaked figure appears—it’s Paul. He looks older, humbled. Possibly lost track of his itinerary. Again.
Scene I: Awkward Communion
John Mark (freezes): Uh… Uncle Barnabas? We have… a visitor.
Barnabas (turns slowly): If it isn’t the Apostle Formerly Known as Flexible.
Paul: I, uh… I had a vision.
Barnabas: Let me guess. A scroll descended from heaven with “I was wrong” written on it?
Paul (dry): It was actually a dream. You were lecturing me. Again. But this time, I listened.
(Beat. John Mark gives them space.)
Paul: Barnabas, I came to say—I see it now. Your heart. Your patience. Your… relentless optimism. I called it softness. But it was strength. God’s strength.
Barnabas (quiet): Paul, I never needed you to be perfect. I just needed you to be present.
Scene II: Gospel, Rewritten
John Mark (tentatively): So… are we all, like, friends again? Or are we founding rival denominations?
(They laugh. Even Paul chuckles, which causes nearby scrolls to spontaneously unroll in surprise.)
Paul: No rivals. Just different roads.
Barnabas: Same kingdom.
(They sit. Paul pulls out a worn letter.)
Paul: I’ve been working on something. Thought I’d call it To Timothy. But maybe I’ll sneak in a little line about John Mark.
John Mark (suspicious): A good line?
Paul (grinning): “Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me in ministry.”
(John Mark tries to hide a grin, fails.)
Scene III: Holy Closure
Barnabas: You know, I missed this.
Paul: Arguing?
Barnabas: No. Forgiveness.
(They break bread. Fade out on the three of them sharing communion: the firebrand, the encourager, and the redeemed flake.)
Epilogue (Voiceover):
“In the end, love bore all things, believed all things, hoped all things… even reconciled apostles.”
Radically Happy 
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