Radically Happy

We are at a weekend conference.
Or maybe just a church retreat.

It is in a small town.
They don’t serve us lunch after the morning session.
They haven’t told us when the afternoon session starts.

This freaks me out.

There are only three restaurants in town.
Not fast food.

If they randomly say, “okay we are ready to start.” it will take a while to get the food.

If everyone waits to the last minute, there will be long lines.

I try to schematize my anxieties.
The first is latency.
The latter is throughput.

I am proud of myself for thinking this through.
Surely the organizers will listen.
After all, why wouldn’t they want to tell us when the next session starts?

THEN I WAKE UP

Upon reflection, I realized I was catastrophizing the worst case scenario. In reality, most people are highly motivated to have lunch, either intrinsically or from social pressure. In fact, not having a strict deadline will smooth out demand, reducing backlog (lines).

Assuming people actually care about the conference, the organizers can just wait until a critical mass return and get started without waiting for the stragglers.

My primary fear is that the organizers will wait for the stragglers, thus either making the meeting run late or shorting us on content. But that’s true with or without a deadline.

And maybe that’s a legitimate choice. What if the primary goal of a retreat is for people to connect without time pressure? And missing content (or some of us having to leave early) is okay?

My underlying fear is that I can’t plan if I don’t know what the rules are. That I will be forced to make a difficult choice, or not get something I was looking forward to.

My deeper fear is that I don’t trust the organizers. I don’t think they care about me, and explaining (and adhering to) a schedule is the canary that tells my brain I am safe.

What I really need is relationship (knowing whether the people in charge care about my underlying needs, not superficial demands) not structure (the cultural canaries — canards? — that makes me feel safe).