Radically Happy

Continued from Sex 409: Bar-Bie-Barians

In the eerie, flickering light of the torture chamber, our four heroes stand tense and uncertain. Tube, anxious and jittery, glances nervously at the dark surroundings. Klein Bottle glares ahead angrily. Reflection Sphere looks around thoughtfully, while Earnest Plane slumps in despair. Together, they face the menacing ‘Nother Witch, who twirls her broomstick with a mocking grin.

Nother: Fools! You thought you could just march in here and steal my wand of power? Who sent you, my dim-witted sister?

Tube: No, we were sent by the Geni-Oz.

Reflection: Actually, it was Ang, the red hulk of anxiety.

Earnest: Wait, is that a broomstick or a wand?

Klein: Do your worst, foul vixen! Strike us dead this instant, lest we destroy this castle and you with it!

The three heroes stare at their companion in consternation.

Earnest: Whoa, Klein. No need to get dark so fast.

But their reaction is nothing compared to that of their host.

Nother: Klein… is that… you?

She steps forward and taps the broomstick on the floor. Instantly, the chamber is transformed into a throne room, the angry furnace becoming a cheery fireplace. Her black robes become a pink ball gown.

Nother: (happily) It is you! (rushes forward with arms outstretched)

Klein: Arrgh! Save me! (dives behind Tube)

Earnest: I am so confused.

Reflection: Um, Madam, I am sorry to interrupt. May I infer that our companion is known to you?

Nother sighs, gives up her pursuit of Klein, and turns to face Reflection.

Nother: (sheepishly) You might say that. He is my fiancée!

Klein: Not true! (they all look at him) Well, technically true. (Nother glares) It was… arranged.

Nother stalks towards him. In a voice somehow both vulnerable and challenging, she stands inches from Klein.

Nother: Don’t you… want me?

Reflection: (snapping his non-existent fingers) That’s it!

They all turn to look at him.

Reflection: Don’t you see? This is why Ang sent us here. Klein was meant for Nother, but he wasn’t a whole person. He needed the Geni-US so he — we — could meet her as an equal.

Tube: So… we don’t need to steal her broomstick?

Earnest: No… and yes.

Nother looks at him suspiciously.

Earnest: (sighing) Of course we shouldn’t—can’t—steal it from you. But (deep breath) you can’t hold onto it any longer. Power corrupts, and isolates. (thoughtfully) There’s nobody else in this castle, is there? All those servants were you?

Nother sighs and slumps to the ground. She drops her broomstick. The room transforms again into a simple cottage.

Nother: (bitterly) I suppose you are the only one who can safely wield the broomstick.

Earnest looks at Reflection. He shakes his non-existent head.

Reflection: No, that is probably what got us into this mess in the first place. We must take it back to the Escheral City, as Ang commanded.

Tube: But which of us can safely carry it?

Reflection: (smiling) Exactly.

Klein: Huh?

Reflection points offstage. The Which Witch creeps onstage, unsure of her welcome. She spies the broomstick and starts to dash for it… then stops.

Which Witch: Sister…

Nother looks up. They stare at each other for a moment. Then Which gathers her sister in a fierce embrace. They both cry. Everybody cries.

Klein: Hey, not me!

They turn to look at him.

Klein: I mean… it was just smoke from the fire!

They all laugh. After a moment, so does he.

Which picks up the broomstick.

Which Witch: Now what?

Earnest: (grinning) Now… we’re off to see the wizard!

To be continued…