Radically Happy

3:00 PM, Wednesday, March 6th, 2024

The scene is a forest clearing by moonlight.
A lonely hut sits in the middle.
All is silent.

A small boy slowly creeps out of the woods towards the hut.
He avoids the door, but scratches softly near the window.

Young Ernie: [whispering] Ug! Ug, are you awake?

The Ugly One: Kid, what are you doing here? It isn’t safe!

YE.  It’s okay.  Jesus is watching me from the trees [turns and waves. Someone waves back].

UG. Still, you shouldn’t be here at all.

YE. But I’m worried about you.

UG.  Stop. Don’t. Don’t go there.  I… I’m not worth it.

YE. Don’t say that.  You are a part of me. Part of us.  We need you.

UG. [sighing] It’s not that simple, kid.

YE. [sitting down] Okay, fine.  Then explain it to me. Why isn’t it that simple?

UG.  It’s not… you aren’t…. aargh! 

Bumping noises, as if UG is slouching against the wall.

UG. Has anyone told you that you are one annoyingly persistent kid who asks too many questions?

YE. [grinning] Not yet, but I’m sure they will!

Sound of UG slapping himself against his forehead.

UG.  Okay, fine.  You ready for a fairy tale?

YE. [excitedly] Always!

UG. Shh. Keep it down.

YE. [whispering] Always!

UG.  Okay, once upon a time there was a beautiful princess…

YE. Ooh, I love these kinds of stories!

UG. Will you shut up and let me tell the story? No interruptions!

YE…

---

Once upon a time, there was a beautifuil princess.
She was born in a fabulous castle in a faraway land.
Everything was perfect.
Everyone was good, and wise, and kind.
Everybody loved her.

But then, Something Terrible happened.
When the princess was still a young child, she found herself stranded and alone.
Lost in the forest.
Outside, she heard the sound of soldiers.
Killing. Slaughtering.

She ran as fast and as far as she could.
Finally, she stumbled into a clearing.
And found a hut

It was empty.
But inside, she found a pentagram on the floor.
And a book with pictures.

She knew what she had to do.
She cut off her beautiful hair
And formed it into a doll.
(A golem, if you want to know the technical term)

Then she struck a match
And lit the candles at the five corners of the pentagram
Then finally, lit the doll on fire.

While it was burning
She recited a Solmen Oath written on the back of the book

She collapsed.
When she awoke
I was here.
Along with The Big Guy in the shadows.

Whenever the soldiers got too close
I would run outside
And do… whatever I had to do.

And so we have lived here
(if you call it living)
ever since

---

YE.  [whispering] Was that The End?

UG.  [whispering back] Yes. Now go away.

YE. But that can’t be the end?

UG. Why not?

YE. You said this was a fairy tale. And fairy tales always have happy endings.

UG.  Well… maybe this isn’t that kind of fairy tale.

YE Or… maybe that isn’t The End! Maybe I am going to grow up to be a knight, and rescue the princess?

UG. By slaying the evil ogre who’s keeping her prisoner!

YE.  Yes! Wait, no. You meant you, right?

UG. Isn’t that always how these stories go?

YE. But you aren’t evil!  You’re not the one keeping her prisoner.

UG. You’re not listening, kid.  I’m not real.  I’m just a construct, a proxy. A dumping ground for all your shameful insecurities and fears.  

YE. You made up that story, didn’t you?

UG. Maybe. But it’s all the truth your little mind can handle.  It is true enough.

YE.  I don’t believe you.

UG.  [sighing] Believe what you want, kid.  I only believe what my eyes see.

YE.  Ha! No, you don’t.

UG.  Why do you say that?

YE. [smugly] Because you believe I am talking to you, even though you can’t see me!

UG. But… okay, fine.  I only believe what I see with my eyes and hear with my ears.

YE. Now we’re getting somewhere!

UG.  What in the world are you talking about?

YE.  Because [placing his hand on the wall] the reason I believe you are real is because I love you.  And I believe you love me.  I can hear it in your voice, just like you can hear mine. And love is the most real thing in the universe.

UG. That… that’s… things just aren’t that simple, kid!

Young Ernie pauses, listening to some indistinct sounds in the distance.

UG. What was that?

YE. That was Jesus.  He said, “It is far from easy, but actually it really is that simple.”

UG.  Uh… look, kid. You better leave.  If Jesus is making noise, The Big Guy might awaken.  I… I’m sorry, but he’s all I’ve got.  I have to do whatever he tells me to.  It is the only way I can keep the princess safe.

YE.  I know, UG.  I know that is the only way you know to keep the princess safe.  Don’t worry.  I will keep your secret safe.

UG.  Whuh… what secret?

YE.  That you love the princess.  Goodbye, Ug.

UG. Hey, what….

Not The End

Epilogue

Silence.
The clearing is empty
Save for a soft swishing noise
Which might be the wind
Or might be crying