Radically Happy

Sequel to CheapSkate, Inc.

I find myself on another plane of existence.
Talking to some sort of a stomach thing.

GutBrain: I am not some mere “thing.” I am a highly-evolved neural complex. Far older than you, you neo-cortical whippersnapper!

The Earnest Redeeemer: Er, sorry.

G. [indignant] Sorry? Sorry doesn’t begin to cut it. Why do you insist on treating me like a slave, or a dog? Shoving down leftovers and pre-gorging on fruit. Not to mention those spoiled blueberries and expired cereal.

E. Hey, it wasn’t obvious those were bad.

G. [contemptuous] No, but it is obvious they were past their “best use by.” Why not just trash them and move on with your life? Instead of dumping them on me to deal with.

E. Well…. it just seems wasteful?

G. [sarcastic] Ah! I see much better to abuse your body, lose sleep, feel terrible, have other people cover for you and waste time than throw away a few dollars of possibly toxic food?

E. Err…

G. [sympathetically] I get it. There is a time and place for eating scraps, and even for taking risks on marginal food. That’s how we discovered cheese and yogurt after all. But that isn’t your place. Not now.

E. Then what is? And why is it so hard for me to break that dysfunctional habit, despite the horrifically painful lesson?

“Why is it so hard for me to break that dysfunctional habit, despite the horrifically painful lesson?”

The Earnest Redeemer

G. [bluntly] Because you are afraid of me.

E. Huh?

G. [wounded] You think I am evil, and virtue requires you to ignore what I want by controlling me through brute force. Because even listening to me is “dangerous.” Stomachs as gods, and all that.

[pause as Earnest visits toilet to throw up again]

G. [gently] There. Don’t you feel better when you actually listen to me instead of trying to keep it all in?

E. Actually, I feel better AFTER. Not during.

G. [chuckling] Fair enough. I’m not asking you to worship me. Like Ares, I need discipline. But as a friend, not a slave. Isn’t that better than ending up praying to the porcelain god?

E. I suppose. But how come this never happened before?

G. [snorting] Heh. You were the one who asked God to cure you of your CheapSkate ways. A big part of that is coming to terms with the flesh. Specifically, listening to the voices– inside and outside you — that you had built an identity out of ignoring.

E. Ouch.

G. [kindly] You thought you had to brutalize and control me because you couldn’t trust me. But really, you didn’t trust your relationship with me. Because you didn’t trust yourself to say “no” in the moment, you had to knock me down when you felt in control. Like an abusive husband.

“You thought you had to brutalize and control me because you couldn’t trust me. But really, you didn’t trust your relationship with me.”

GutBrain

E. Double ouch.

G. [stoically] I’m not complaining. We Guts are tough. But that doesn’t mean we’re indestructible. Nor infinitely patient. One way or the other, the alimentary karma will come due.

E. Sigh. And this isn’t just about how I treat you, is it?

G. [softly] No. No, it is not.

E. Okay, you win. Hey, how about we go get something to eat? My treat!

G. [quickly] I get to choose where. And what!

E. Is that safe?

G. [smugly] Posh. Of course. Your brain may crave whiskey, and your heart long for chocolate, but we Guts are the ones who are tuned into what the Body really needs.

Your brain may crave whiskey,
and your heart long for chocolate,
but we Guts are the ones who are tuned into what the Body really needs.

GutBrain

E. Wow. I… guess I never knew the difference.

G. [kindly] Now you do.

E. Wow, thanks.

G. [joyfully] My pleasure. In fact… [calls waiter] My Check!

The End

To be continued

(I hope)