Radically Happy

Dear Friend,

I am sorry that I caused you so much pain.
That was not my intent.
I should probably have noticed that this was becoming a painful discussion, and handled things differently.

For the record, I didn’t feel particularly hurt during our discussion. However, some of the things you said reminded me of things that happened between us in the past, where I was hurt very deeply.

Perhaps like you, I thought we had already worked through those issues. However, the emotional intensity I perceived in you — and I freely admit this could just be my perception — made wonder whether there was still some wounding in our relationship that had not been dealt with.

I know you love me, and are committed to our relationship. And I know you have gone to great lengths in the past to address issues of concern to me.

I also want you to know that I love you just as you are. If you aren’t ready to deal with this issue at this time, I am totally fine with that. I am not angry, and I will not feel hurt or rejected. I can check back with you later, or wait for you to tell me if and when you are ready.

However, I need to be honest and tell you that I think there is “something” here we need to deal with eventually — if we want to keep growing closer. I don’t fully understand my own wounding in this area, much less yours. Which means we either need to create a safe space to work through this issue, or avoid anything that might trigger that wounding. Otherwise, this will become a part of myself I end up hiding from you, in order to protect both of us.

I have some thoughts about how we might more gently and indirectly talk through the issues that triggered us. I will continue to pray about that, as I’m sure you will too.

I look forward to talking to you soon.

Love,
Ernie

P.S. I am actually excited God has used circumstances to bring this issue to our attention. Regardless of how you respond, He is already using it to help me grow. Thank you for your investment of time and vulnerability that made this possible.